If I Had Tinder, My Bio Would Be …

1. No Dog, No Date ™

2. If it ain’t easy being sleazy, do the right thing and don’t try to please me.

3. Can anyone explain what a feminist is?

4. Putting the ‘pat’ in patriarchy and patronising.

5. Sleepy and stubborn.


7. Women don’t expire.

8. A d*** is for life, not just for Christmas.

9. “The American Dream doesn’t work, that’s why we export it”. Name that film.

10. Ideal first date; you demonstrate an ability to accurately predict the next successful cryptocurrency, suggest that instead of dinner we invest £10 each [and independently], and two weeks later collect £250,000 of our returns on our investments. And there’s no pressure to have a second date.

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